Once upon a time there was an egg named Oscar. He woke up one morning, opened his door, looked up at the beautiful sun and said, “Ahhh, what a glorious day for a walk”.
So Oscar walked out the door, walked to the curb, and went on his walk. After walking about two blocks, Oscar saw his friend Hamster.
Now Hamster, as you may have guessed is a hamster, and he is Oscar’s friend. Hamster greeted Oscar cheerfully saying, “Why hello Oscar. It is very good to see you today. You are looking perfectly bespeckled if I may say so.”
To which Oscar replied, “Of course you may say anything you like, but what is it that has made you so cheerful today?” and then “wait, let me guess.” And then Oscar went about trying to guess the kinds of things that might have made Hamster cheerful.
Oscar asked, “Have you some new hamster pellets at home?” He guessed that because Hamster is a hamster, and hamsters like hamster pellets.
Hamster replied, “No, I don’t have any new hamster pellets.”
Oscar guessed, “Has your little hamster wheel recently been greased?”
You see, hamsters like to run around on hamster wheels. The hamster gets inside the wheel and runs. The wheel turns around a bit and the hamster keeps running. The faster the hamster runs, the faster the hamster wheel turns, but if the hamster stops running, the wheel stops. Unfortunately for hamsters, the wheels don’t actually go anywhere. When the hamster gets out of the wheel, he’s always back in the exact same spot he had been in before he started running around in the wheel.
In my opinion, hamster wheels are exactly like a little arch in the garden that serves no purpose. It just sits there like a hamster wheel to nowhere. Except that a hamster wheel is a wheel that hamsters run around in and a garden arch is an arch that sits in the middle of someone’s garden. Other than that, they are exactly the same.
Occasionally, hamster wheels don’t spin properly. Moisture or something causes the wheel to stick. Whenever a hamster wheel sticks, usually a bit of grease on the axel of the wheel will help it get started again, quite often faster than ever. That’s why Oscar guessed “Has your little hamster wheel recently been greased?”
But Hamster grinned and said, “No, my hamster wheel doesn’t even need any grease. It is spinning splendidly, but I do have the feeling that while I’m spinning I can smell Poinsettias.”
Oscar guessed, “Have you new wood chips in your hamster bed?”
“Nope”, said Hamster the hamster.
Has your little hamster tube that runs from your bedroom outside the house and then back into the living room recently been washed”.
“Nope”, Hamster giggled.
Oscar kept on guessing and guessing all sorts of things that he thought hamsters might like, but all of his guesses were wrong. Oscar was about to collapse from all of the guessing.
“Give up?” asked Hamster, and Oscar did give up.
So Hamster, the hamster, told Oscar, “I’ve just been the sandwich shop. They were offering customers one of any five sandwiches, each as long as a foot, for only five dollars. You can get toppings on it like lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, and even jalapeños. Of course, I’m a hamster, and I can’t eat a sandwich that big. I just had a small salad.”
Oscar thought a small salad sounded quite nice, so he said goodbye to Hamster and went and bought one.
The End