Once upon a time there was no egg named Oscar. The end. Good night.
Now, I recognize that you may object to the brevity of the previous story, so I’ll tell a story that occurred before there ever was an egg named Oscar, before there was a pitter patter pitter patter across the floor, and before there was a beautiful day for an egg to go for a walk.
Once upon a time, there was a bird named Achpu. Now Achpu was a strong, intelligent, and creative bird that flew high in the sky over mountains, streams, forests, and swing sets. She had wings that were long enough to stretch all the way out to the ends of her wings, and legs that went all the way down to her feet. If she had been in a pet shop, I’m sure the shop keeper would brag on her beautiful plumage, because both the color and arrangement of her feathers were quite striking. However, Achpu always thought of herself as a normal bird, not really different than every other bird.
One day, when the sun was particularly bright in the sky, which upon reflection, may be an unnecessary detail. After all, where else would the sun be particularly bright? I don’t recall ever seeing the sun being bright in a place other than the sky. I’ll start over. One day, when the sun was particularly bright…..on second one could see the sun being bright on television or in a movie, but that is irrelevant to this story. I’ll start over.
One day, while the sun was particularly bright in the sky (and not just in a movie or television), Achpu looked up at the sky, and said, “Ah, what a beautiful day for a fly”. So Achpu stepped out of her nest, spread her wings, and went for a fly.
And Achpu flew over a forest, over a river, over tall buildings, over schools, houses, and churches. She flew, and she flew. Past snowy mountains, and past streets where children play. She stopped only once for directions, when she saw a sign where a cow was painting “Eat Mor Chikin”, but the cow rude and didn’t seem to be in a helpful mood, so Achpu just kept flying.
Achpu eventually landed in playground where children had once been playing, but there were no children around. She hopped over to a puddle to splash around a bit, which really is a favorite activity for birds. Nothing beats a good splash. Except a good worm, but there aren’t any worms in this story.
Achpu splashed past some miscellaneous items in the puddle that aren’t really important, but the lack of importance for a topic has never really stopped me before, so let me catalog the various and sundry objects that were floating in the puddle. There was one button, a scarf like you wrap around your neck when you’re cold, two little lumps that looked like they might be coal, and some kind of pipe that was made from a corn cob. As I said, that’s not really important, but Achpu noted these things while she splashed about the puddle.
A little ways off, Achpu noticed an old, black tophat like the kind a magician might use to extract bunnies from thin air. Or he might pour a whole pitcher of water into it and then turn it over to astound the audience when no water comes back out. But there was no magician, just the hat, so Achpu hopped over to check it out.
The hat was black on the outside, and was lined with red silk on the inside. There were no bunnies popping out of the hat and there was no pitcher of water inside, so Achpu decided to take a little rest in the hat. And she did. And she laid an egg, which birds sometimes do when they take a rest in someone’s hat.
Well, Achpu fell asleep while sitting on the egg, and the egg got a little warm. So the egg climbed out of the hat (which really was a magical hat) and started to look around. He looked around the playground and looked up at the sky, and said, “Ah, what a beautiful day for a walk”. So he went for a walk.
The End.
Now, I did say “The End”, but perhaps I should explain a little more. The egg, as you might have guessed was to be named Oscar. He would often go for walks, but decided that he liked walking around London the most, so he moved there, rented a flat, and made many friends. Achpu, as you might have guessed, is the famous bird most known for writing the book How My Egg Cracked Me Up. She became very famous, bought a mansion in Malibu, and is adored by all of her fans.
The End. Good night.