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The walk to t’ starboard bow

Once upon a time, thar be a pirate egg named Captain Arr-scar. Captain Arr-scar woke up one mornin’, got out o’ bed, went across his quarters. Opened his door, looked over t’ starboard bow, and said, “what a glorious day t’ pillage me some pirate booty!”

So t’ egg Captain Arr-scar said t’ his mateys, “let’s set sail for Pirates Cove”. And so t’ men set sail for Pirates Cove. When they got thar, they did plunder much booty, but Pirates Cove be full o’ pirates. Every time they left t’ do some plunderin’, some other pirates would do some plunderin’ after them. That way, they lost everythin’ they had and ended up with a ship full o’ other stuff that they didn’t have before. It kind o’ worked out like a Pirate Swap Meet.

So t’ egg Captain Arr-scar said, “let’s set sail for Mermaid Beach”, and they set sail for Mermaid Beach. There they did find t’ mermaids, and t’ mermaids set, “Get Lost! You all have two legs, and we only like people that have fins like us!” Captain Arr-scar said, “aw, come on, we be wantin’ t’ hang and chill with you mermaid-type people, but you aren’t bein’ very nice.” But t’ mermaids said, “no way, egg captain, you pirates gotta go!”

So t’ egg Captain Arr-scar said, “let’s set sail for Hidden Canyon,” so they set out for Hidden Canyon. But they couldn’t find it because it was hidden. It’s a hidden canyon, clearly. But they sailed and sailed and sailed and sailed. Just when they were about t’ give up, thar it was, t’ Hidden Canyon. And they sailed starboard into it, because thar be water at t’ bottom o’ t’ hidden canyon.

When they got t’ other end o’ t’ canyon, thar be an amusement park, with roller coasters, merry-go-rounds, and Ferris wheels. And all o’ t’ mates said, “oh Captain Arr-scar, can we go t’ amusement park?” And Captain Arr-scar said, “No, it be too expensive” and “pirate booty don’t grow on trees” and stuff like that. But t’ mateys said, “oh please oh please oh please oh please, we promise t’ swab t’ poop deck for a whole week” and so Captain Arr-scar counted their booty, said they could go, but they couldn’t get both a slushie and cotton candy, and they all went.

T’ pirates did much ridin’ o’ t’ merry go round, and t’ Ferris wheel, and t’ roller coaster. But when they found a ride that was shaped like a pirate ship, and it swung aft and forth, and up and down, they about went nuts. And they rode that ride for hours and hours.

But when it was time t’ get a snack, some o’ t’ pirates got cotton candy, and some o’ them got slushies, because they couldn’t afford t’ get both. And those that got slushies shared with t’ pirates that got cotton candy, and those that got cotton candy shared with t’ pirates that got slushies. And everyone went t’ ship happy. And soon t’ pirates all were avast asleep.

So the moral of the story be this: if ye can’t afford both cotton candy and a slushie, become a pirate.

Ahoy.

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